Maybe....???

I think things are starting to get better for me. I think my brother might be starting to come around again. I think he's gonna come back. I think things with him and...her...I think things got bad and he's starting to see what she really is... I'm gonna sound like a little kid when I say this, but I can't help it. I'm not gonna have to worry about people messing with us anymore. No one's gonna sent us anymore bad e-mails and no one's gonna send us nasty texts. And Adam's gonna come over all the time again and we're gonna do stuff just like we used to. Adam's gonna come over and help me with my algebra instead of disappearing all night. And he's gonna come over during the summer and play baseball and soccer with me. Adam's gonna come back into our family and every thing's gonna be OK. And then Mommy and Dad aren't gonna be fighting all the time. And Jenna will be happy again and Eli won't always be so crabby and he won't run away from Adam anymore. And we'll have those parties on the weekends where everyone shows up like Josh and Joe and Matt. And every one's gonna have fun just like we used to. Adam and I can do martial arts downstairs again and me, Adam, Ryan, and Emmy can all mess around and make jokes about school like we used to. Maybe Emmy and I could start hanging out over there. And no one would have to go looking for Adam when he didn't show up at home. And every thing's gonna be OK again, just like it used to! We're all gonna be OK now! And then maybe I can be happy again! Cuz no one's gonna be fighting anymore and no one's gonna be sad! Maybe I'll even get to see Alex more and things will get better there too! Maybe everything really IS gonna turn out OK now. And Adam's gonna come back and every one's gonna be happy again! Wouldn't that be awesome?! Maybe I'd get to be happy again!....wait....do I still know how...? What if I forgot....it's been so long.....this is weird........this might take some getting used to.....

Demon Angel

This is an excerpt from the book I'm writing with Alex. I hope you like it. It was written by the character that I write for, Kasey Lynn Nicole. Let me know if it looks alright. Alex hasn't read this one yet. I wanna add it at the end of the book. Let me know! Thanks!!

"Hidden away from all, is a demon. The demon angel. She is thin, and quick footed. She has a terrible temper that is shown when her blue eyes flash a bloody red. When happy, they sparkle a crystal blue. Her black hair hangs in front of her face, showing her true evil. The demon angel as sharp, pointed fangs, like a vampire. And with them, she kills and takes blood. Her wings are pitch black with hints of shining silver. She has the power to shift the shape and heat, even the direction of burning flames. The demon angel is the devil's daughter. But, the demon angel is also a lover. The demon angel loves her family; her husband Ace, who is the Evil Angel from Heaven, and her son Adrian. They are her two halves. The demon angel is a beautiful, but deadly figure. She loves and she hates. She plays with the fires of hell, but adores the ice from above. She is gentle to her loved ones, but harsh with her enemies. The demon angel is perfection. And the demon angel...is me. -Kasey L. Nicole"

Thanks for the feedback!!

- BloodyShadows

...Evil Angel...

I've been into this artist called Breaking Benjamin. They do a lot of good music and it tends to fit perfectly with my personality. One of my favorite songs by them is called Evil Angel. It fits the book I'm writing, for one. Which is about two people who are complete opposites, but fall in love anyway. And because they're opposites, nothing is ever right. They literally have to go through Heaven and Hell to make their relationship last. And when they start to form their family, things go from bad to worse. It's got a lot about angels and demons; fire and ice; rage and love. It's really good, but it's nowhere near done. Anyways, the song, Evil Angel, kind of reminds me of the book. You'd have to read the book after listening to the song to understand. It's hard to explain. Not only does this song target my book, it targets part of me. It kind of reminds me of my relationship with Alex, where he's the evil angel. Some of the lyrics that might help you see this would be:

Put me to sleep, evil angel
Open your wings, evil angel
Oh, fly over me, evil angel.
Why can't I breathe, evil angel?

I guess if that doesn't help, there's another set:

No, don't
Leave me to die here,
Help me survive here,
Alone, Don't
Surrender, surrender.

To me, the song is about how your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness. No, that's not really what the song is about, but that's what it means to me. Alex is my greatest strength, as well as my greatest weakness. Sometimes, I rely on him so much that it's almost like he has the power to kill me. I don't know if you guys understand what I mean, but that's the best way to put it.

If you guys have any songs you'd like ME to check out, either post a comment or email me at knowurenemy13@yahoo.com . I really hope you like Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin. It kind of shows you that too much reliance can kill you. The song is actually about the Devil (because he's the evil angel), but I twisted it and made it fit my opinion. Just goes to show you that you can really only trust yourself. I do have one question for you though....if Alex is my "evil angel"...who's yours...?

-BloodyShadows

The Next Contestant

You all know I'm dating Alex. Alex and I are very tight with each other. There's no secrets or anything. But, we do have things that piss each other off. For example, Alex hates it when I give other guys hugs. Like my ex-boyfriend Andrew or my dance partner at my cousin's wedding, Steven. Well, I'm the same way with him. I don't like him going around hugging other girls. Mainly my friends Sia and Ashley. But it's a little different with us. Alex is alright with me because I don't really hug a lot of other guys. Only on occasion. With me? I HATE it. There are times I want to rip out the other girl's throat, then snake it back down. Alex is an awesome guy. And I'm not saying this just because I'm his girlfriend. Alex is extremely handsome, he's a jock, he's funny, he spoils me rotten...Alex is pretty much your ideal boyfriend. And I think these other girls are catching onto that. Sia isn't really the problem here. She's got herself a good guy. Sia and Alex are close friends and I've gotten use to that. But Ashley? I've got my reasons to want to kill her sometimes. Alex has told me (not thinking I was going to be upset) that when they used to have the same lunch hour, she'd sit by him. Whatever right? But there's more to it. Ashley hangs off of him. She clings to him. Ashley, from all the stories I've heard (from both Alex AND other people), is always on my boyfriend. I've been there before. I know how girls like her work. She's trying to get him to love her; get him away from me. This has happened before. I'm pretty sure I've had to deal with this at least 3 or 4 other times. But all those other times? Alex dealt with it himself. He talked to them about it. He hasn't talked to Ashley. I don't want her touching him. I don't want her looking at him. Hell, I don't even want the two of them in the same room! When Alex found out that she had a different lunch then him this semester, he was a little upset about it. And I guess it's because they're friends. I'd be upset if I didn't have lunch with my friend Lamont anymore. I understand that. But this thing with Ashley...it's starting to piss me off. She was always somewhat of my friend. Now? Huh. Right. No one flirts with my boyfriend and gets away with it. And if there was a way to get her for it, believe me, I WOULD. Alex knows this chick has more then friendship on her mind. So if he wants to go and give her a shot, I wish he'd just do it and leave me out of it. I know he's not cheating. I know that for a fact. But...I swear to God. If Ashley ruins my relationship with Alex, I'm going to find a way to hurt her. I'll find them in the hall and I'll kiss him for as long as I want. I'll invite him over when they're supposed to be going out (Alex told me if we ever broke up, he'd still love me and put me first). No one takes my Alex from me. When he's ready to move on, I'll accept it then. But NOT because some other chick decides to mess with me and piss me off. I'll get her back if Alex doesn't make it stop. And she's not even gonna know that I'm the one that did it. She's trying to take Alex from me. And if she thinks she's going to get away with it? She's got another thing coming.

(Alex, if you end up reading this one, hopefully this doesn't piss you off. You'd do the same thing if it was Andrew or Nick. So technically, you've got no room to be pissed. Fix this, or I'll do it for you. Because this isn't fair.)

-BloodyShadows

Why Me?

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago when I was depressed. It's about everything that's wrong with me and my life. Some of it is just how I feel (Like the part about the schizo mind) but a lot of it is about the way my life has been going. It's my latest poem, other then Kicking Teeth, which is not ready to be seen by the public. I hope you like this one. I'll post more poems when the need comes. Enjoy my 2nd latest poem, Why Me?

Why Me?
By: Kat Jenning

Black clothes, dark eyes
Scarred up wrists and stupid lies
Leads to no sleep.
And the cuts are deep.
So many promises
That I can’t keep

There’s so many fights
And violent bad nights
It brings out the darkness inside me
Get a blackened heart
And addictions start
Now everyone’s tears
Are works of art.

With a shattered soul
And a schizo mind
There’s so many answers
I’m looking to find.
And that is what I am today
Very much to my own dismay.

Now I’m crashing and burning
With nowhere to go
And no chance in learning
Why my life sunk so low.

Twisted

How many times has someone gotten into your mind? Someone that you don't even like. They get into your head just by looking at you and saying something as simple as "hi". Believe me, it happens every time I see one person. My old friend Brett. Brett and I used to be really tight. We were close friends for a few months. He came over every day and we hung out when Alex wasn't able to come over. Brett isn't/wasn't exactly bad looking (no offence Alex. I still love you. LOL) and I thought he was pretty cool Obviously Brett and Alex never really saw eye to eye. Anyways, one day over summer, I'd say maybe in...Eh...June or July, we got in a BIG fight and we haven't really been good since. Brett and I still talk sometimes but we're still not really on the right foot. But...I've noticed something odd about this guy. Every time I would talk to this kid, my mind would scramble. I don't know why. It's weird.

Take today for instance. Brett recently transferred to my school. So today after lunch, my friend and I are walking down the hall and I see Brett. I try to ignore him and not say anything and he catches me. He said hi and I did everything I could not to turn around. Well...mission failed. And when I met his eyes, I suddenly started questioning why I wasn't his friend and why he was so bad. It's insane. It's like he tries to drag me back into his little world. I can't go back though. I can't do that to myself again. The thing about people like this, is that they do it on purpose. People that scramble our minds must have like a sixth sense. I don't understand this, but Brett can somehow make me think the opposite of what I feel. For instance, when we were hanging out, he had me thinking I liked him, even though I was with Alex. It's not true of course. Here's the odd thing. I only felt that way when he was around and when he was talking about himself. Brett also makes me think that he's perfect. I don't know how he does it. The only way I keep myself normal and in control is by ignoring him and not looking at him. When I saw him today, I shot straight down the hall and ended up slamming into Alex by accident. I don't think I've ever clung to Alex like that before. Sure freaked him out a little. Though he can't say he hated the attention. ;)

I guess my point of the day is that these people can only create false feelings. Nothing is real. It's all an illusion. Brett can really mess up my mind. One of my life missions is to figure out how the kid does it. It's a very odd thing. Every time I talk to Brett, I have to remind myself of a few things: 1) I love Alex and I'm committed to him, 2) Brett has a bad side to him that he hides from people, and 3) There's reasons why I don't hang out with Brett (i.e. he lies, he's got SERIOUS anger problems, he's violent, he talks about people behind their backs, etc.). If I keep all these things in mind, I don't get all scrambled up. Just keep this in mind if you find yourself being tricked by a guy or girl like Brett; don't get too close to them. Don't try to form any relationship. Because once you're twisted, it's really hard to set yourself straight again. Believe me. I'm still trying...

-BloodyShadows

Expectations

I've learned in the past few months that you can't expect anything. If you expect things, you're only going to be disappointed. For instance, if you're expecting someone to call you, and they don't, what do you get? Disappointment. If you're like me, and you don't receive that phone call, you end up thinking about it all day and it drives you into a depressive state. Another example would be when you expect someone to be great; you think they're going to make something out of themselves. Ya know what will happen if you do that? They won't end up doing anything impressive. Take my brother Adam, for example. Adam was amazingly smart. He knew exactly what he wanted in life. Adam was...well...Adam was somewhat of a genius. Everyone in my family, including Adam's wife, thought that he was going to be something amazing; someone famous. Adam could write his own rap music, he was good with computers, he could take apart and put together a watch, Adam could do some amazing stuff. But...see, we EXPECTED him to make something out of it. And, go figure, we were disappointed. Now, Adam's not doing anything but ruining the life he'd worked so hard for. He's throwing it all away and, because he's so damn proud, he won't admit it. After all the disappointment and everything that I've gone and been through...I've been trying not to expect anything. Sometimes I can't help it. Even when I KNOW that Alex isn't going to call, I find myself crying when he doesn't. When I expect people to come over, and they don't, I find myself being in a pissy mood. The point is, expecting things from people won't get you anywhere. Expectations lead to disappointment. Teacher's especially know this. When a teacher expects a kid to shut up, and they don't, they get all upset and pissed off. It's the same thing. But with every situation, it gets worse and worse. I guess all I'm trying to say is don't be disappointed when what you expect doesn't turn out. Because it hardly ever does.

-BloodyShadows

First Post!

I made this blog to post my opinions and express myself. I believe expression is the key to finding yourself and finding out things you never knew about others! I really hope I get a lot of readers on here. Maybe even a little advice. Feel free to check out all my pictures and such! I hope you like it here! Thanks!

- BloodyShadows