Brett started telling me to screw off (to put it as clean as I can) and he started spreading lies to upset me. It wasn't upsetting me; more like pissing me off. So I stopped texting him. However, his girlfriend decided to text me, getting my number from Brett. She began to threaten me (which I cannot repeat here, as I don't know if it's legal) and I showed my mother. She got upset and called my school the next morning. That day at school, I had to watch my back for Brett. Eventually, I was called down to the office. The first time was to show a police officer the text messages, but they didn't have the information he needed. The second time was the worst...they put Brett, me, and the police officer in the same room to try to figure things out. The officer said Brett gave him the same story I had, and asked which one of us was lying. I knew it was him, and even though I wasn't looking at him, I knew he was glaring at me as if to say "I dare you to say I'm the one lying.", So I just kept quiet. The officer didn't seem to pleased and asked us a yes or no question: did we want to remain in contact with each other at all? That meant if we said no, there was to be no emails, phone calls, texts, or physical contact. If we said yes, then there was nothing he could do.
Brett wanted to find a loop-hole. I wasn't sure why; probably either to continue threatening me, try to work things out (right...), or just keep me as an emergency contact. The officer said all or nothing. So we both said no. The officer then told us that we were bound by the law now. It was like an unofficial restraining order. Brett wasn't allowed to text me at all, even if it was a friendly "hi" by accident. The same went for me. No one was allowed to text for us either. If there was any contact between us and the one didn't accept the gesture, the other was going to be in some serious trouble with the law. I'm talking arrested, court hearings, and maybe some time in Juvi. So now....there's no contact. None. Zip. Nada. I haven't heard from him, he hasn't heard from me. But I'm waiting. I'm waiting for the one slip of his mouth; one slip of his finger. Because one little slip will send him to jail.
I don't know why but....I'm hurt over it. I should be happy. One of the only people who keeps trying to ruin my life is gone. He's getting transferred out of my school and moving away from down the street to go live with someone else...or some WHERE else. I don't want to know. But I can't help but be hurt and torn. I loved Brett. I thought he understood me. I thought he was going to help me; be there when Alex couldn't be. I thought Brett and I were going to stay friends forever, just like he promised. All I ended up was getting thrown around like trash and told I wasn't worth it; that I was nothing to him. I'm still upset over it. I'm still watching my back for him, even though he's gone, maybe even for good. I don't really think I'm scared of him...but that's the only way I can explain it. I think it's more that I'm afraid of what he's done; of what he COULD do. I'm scared of what's gonna happen to him, even though I shouldn't care.
After all this....I can safely say I hate Brett. I hate him with everything I have. I know it's wrong to use the term hate, but I do. I hate him. But what I don't understand is...if I hate him so much, why does him disappearing and him not being my friend anymore..hurt me so much. I expected so much more from Brett. I expected him to be better then this. But every time I see him now, and every time I talk to him....there's nothing but hatred, lies, mistrust, and death. I hate him. I hate what he did to me. I hate what he's done to all the innocent people that did as I did; thought he was a great guy...Rashell, Taylor, Mallory, Kim, Emily, heck, I even feel sorry for his "girlfriend". She didn't know he was messed up. She didn't know. I can't blame her for that.
And even though I should be happy that Brett is out of my life...I'm not. If only I could take it back. If only I could've never picked him up that first day. If only I hadn't started texting him. If only I didn't care about him.......If only I'd never met him.....If only he'd never been born.....maybe...then maybe I'd be happy. If only Brett Varady didn't exist. Then maybe my heart and my emotions wouldn't be as messed up as they are today...If only I'd let him do everything he wanted to do. If only I cared less about him. If only I could take it all back...things would be different. If only.....God, if only....
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