Shattered

Hell is beginning to break loose again...Alex got an eight hour Saturday for forgetting his ID and being tardy to class. This was last week. Well...now it's Monday. He's served the detention and he's still grounded. More then grounded. We're dead. His parents are being complete idiots, not even giving anyone a chance to explain anything. They want us to split, and soon. They think it's my fault and that I'm the one who did this. They think I'm the one making his grades drop, when in reality, I'm the one who's helping them come up. They think it's my fault he forgot his ID and got the detention. I don't even see how that's possible.... And the tardies? One of the three was my fault. The other two were due to clogged hallways and things of that nature. This isn't fair. This isn't right. Why should we have to split because they can't seem to listen?

Alex says everything's going to work out ok, but he always says that. This time he says we don't have to split or anything. And that they'll get over it. But I've got a really REALLY bad feeling...that we're going to end up splitting for a few months....and it's going to be this week. I don't know what's telling me this; maybe the nauseating feeling in my stomach or my pounding migraine. All I know is if this happens....I don't want anyone being mad at Alex. It's not his fault and I'll be getting back together with him. We won't stay separated long. It's not possible. If we do this.....I'll do my best not to think about it too much. Because he'll come back. I know he'll come back.

But....at the same time, it's not going to be the same if these next few months are split. No walks to class. No jackets. No kisses. No phone calls. Nothing. I'll see him. We'll talk. But....nothing. And I can't do that. It's not fair. I don't want this. If he does this and we split until things get better...and then we get back together...what if it's not the same? I'm hoping that Alex keeps to his promise that he made just minutes ago and doesn't leave....but if he has to, at least for a while...I'll understand. And I'll just pray he comes back if he does...I'll pray every night that things go back to normal. I know Alex doesn't want this. I know he doesn't. This isn't fair and he knows it. I can tell he's upset about it, but I know he's thinking about it. I just hope that whatever decision he makes will turn out ok. I hope he comes back to me if he leaves. I hope he never leaves if he stays.

I'm really scared and really confused. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Even sitting here right now thinking about it....my mind can't comprehend it. My eyes keep watering and I'm shaking a little. I don't want this.....I can't do this....I'm going to need help if we do this.....a lot of freaking help....because I can't do this on my own...and neither can he....we're going to need each other and if we can remain best friends...then that's what we'll do; help. But if not...and we have to avoid each other to make things easier until....then....I'm going to need help.

Dear God, please don't let this happen. I know I don't deserve him. I know I'm not the best person in the world for him. But I can't lose him, God. I can't. I love him, God, please don't let his parents take him from me...please...I don't know how else to beg...take away my belongings; my texting, my phone, my computers, my books , take it all. Just don't take Alex. Don't take him from me, please...even if it's just for a while...please don't take him from me....I'm begging you....please...Don't make us break apart because of this...give us strength and make it through this...please....don't let them take Alex from me God, please....I need him...I love him...God, please....Amen....

PS - If this happens, swear to me you will NOT be mad at Alex, all of you who read this. It's not his fault. He doesn't want to to this....we just don't see what other options we have....we don't know whatelse to do anymore....please promise me; swear to me you won't be mad at him...because thats only going to hurt me more...not to mention him....please, you've got to swear...don't be mad at him...because this isn't what we want...we just don't know where to turn anymore....